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Twenty Things I Am Leaving Behind In 2020

December 29, 2020by Hayley PosnerLeave a Comment

2020 felt like we lived 3 years in the span of 1 year. It felt like an exhausting marathon of emotions and worries, with hurdles popping up every leg of the race. I am so grateful and humbled by this year that writing this was hard, hard to reflect on a year that felt like you could just not win no matter how hard you tried. A year that spawned growth and reflection but also pain and loss. Looking back I had an incredible year of self growth and a year of leaning into my health and letting go of body/size focused athletic goals but those goals and accomplishments do not stop today. I am so ready for 2021 and all the promises it holds so here is to a clean slate and one hell of a year!

And with that here it is my list of 20 things I am leaving in 2020 and will not miss in no specific order…

Broken tent stakes and broken pride – I will not miss the tent that broke in the middle of a wind storm in Telluride in the dark. If this was not a metaphor for 2020 then I do not know what is!
My white BMW that was completely unsuited for snowy drives and off roading. You went on to a much better life owned by a 16 year old.
A old job that made me feel less than and never good enough. Constantly struggling to find my passion and fire to be met with discouragement and judgement for dreaming too big.
Not admitting when I am wrong or have hurt someone I love – 2020 has really helped me become more aware of how I react in situations and how my reactions affect others
Sodas that are disguised as seltzers at WholeFoods – Another good metaphor for 2020
Spending 30 dollars on Uber every weekend to go out. I have learned to find joy in staying in or walking/scootering to social events when possible!
Uncomfortable jeans, pants or really any clothing. If there is one thing I am never doing again it is wearing uncomfy work clothes or outfits. None of that in 2021, comfy clothes only from now on!
Eating the same 3 meals on repeat – Spending so much time at home has helped me grow my cooking skills and expand my recipe playbook, so for 2021 I will no longer be a recipe repeater!
The fear of changing plans last minute or cancelling a trip
The fear of NOT having plans on the weekend or not being constantly busy
Constantly feeling like my body is a “work in progress” and instead focusing on living in the moment and being thankful for my able body and health.
Always feeling like I need to be two steps ahead or prepared for anything and everything. You cannot predict the future and constantly trying to be ahead of time takes away from enjoying the now.
Not listening to my body and never taking rest days
Forcing myself to do exercises or workouts I don’t like – Running, or boring cardio is a no from me and I have learned that there are other ways to move without compromising my excitement and joy
Compromising my mental and physical health for others and creating strong boundaries
Worrying about small issues or inconveniences that are so small in the larger photo they are no worth my time or energy
Holding on to past grudges or grievances
Not making time to check in on friends. This year has taught me so much about putting in effort to check in on friends and loved ones and has helped me learn how to better support those around me both near and far in distance. Remembering to text an old friend to see how they are has been a blessing of this year I want to continue!
Taking for granted my health, my family, my friends and life in general – If there is anything I learned in 2020 it is that nothing in this life is guaranteed and we need to live each day like it could be our last!
Bad vibes, bad luck and bad attitudes

No more bad vibes here! Let’s go into 2021 full of love, hope and understanding

Fitness & Health, Personal, wellness

Be Bold! Be A First Texter

July 24, 2020by Hayley PosnerLeave a Comment

I love texting first! I used to be terrified to reach out to people first via text to initiate plans. I hated being the one who was always texting people and was constantly worried I was being “needy” or a bother to my friends. Not anymore!

Post college life has taught me so much, and two of the most important lessons I have learned is how to not give a damn what other people think and to let go of the fear of rejection. Looking back, I missed out on so many social events because I was worried about what people would think if I invited myself somewhere or tried to initiate plans first. I would never text people first or try to plan things from scratch simply because I felt like it was uncool to text my friends first. It wasn’t until I was thrust into the adult world that I realized that I would never see my friends if I didn’t start exerting more effort into planning social gatherings.

As friends moved away post-graduation, I also had to confront a whole new fear – making new friends without the safety net of college. Making friends as an adult was hard work! Meeting new people and expanding my social circle demanded more effort from me as well as more confidence. One of the closer friendships I have made post college actually came from my first office job and had I not started forcing conversations and inviting myself to hang out with this person I never would have ended up joining her kickball league and making even more social connections! Much to my surprise, the more I got comfortable with putting myself out there socially the easier it became for me to do and less uncomfortable it felt.

Now I am the self-proclaimed “social chair” of my friend group because I am constantly sending the first text or trying to rally the crew to make moves on a Friday night. I have learned that none really cares if you send the first text, what they care about is the fact that you were thinking of them enough to reach out and make the first move.

So often I find that when I am a busy bee, I am on hyperdrive, constantly cranking and hustling while completely forgetting to water my friendships with love and attention. I can go for months without touching base with some of my friends, others a few days, however I have made it my business to no longer feel shame or guilt sending that first “Hey, I know it’s been a while since we spoke….” text or call. Taking that step forward can be scary and putting yourself out there vulnerable to the judgement of others is nerve-wracking, but if you want to grow stronger relationships someone has to make that move.

Relationships are a two-way street. They take both parties coming to the table to make memories and magic happen. For me, I cannot sleep knowing I did not hold up my end of friendship. That lingering fear of friendship disappointment is what drives me to show up and reach out to my connections first! Maybe your college bestie feels bad you have lost touch, or maybe that friend from work is secretly hoping you invite them to happy hour next week. You never know who in your network is just waiting for you to make their day with a text or call!

So, I challenge you…be bold! Text first and text often, you may be shocked to find out how quickly your social anxiety melts away the more you put yourself out there to shine.

Fitness & Health, Personal, wellness

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

July 16, 2020July 16, 2020by Hayley PosnerLeave a Comment

Before meeting my current partner, I used to find myself seeking validation from men who I felt I deserved. Rather than finding value and worth in myself I was always craving attention from others, specifically romantic partners. I can very vividly remember chasing after some sub-par frat guy in college in hopes of finding someone who would love me the way I loved myself. Little did I know that that love for myself was lacking, and that the rock solid, healthy relationship I was actually craving was one with myself and my body.

I was constantly jumping from one toxic fling or “something” to the next never understanding why things weren’t working out for me romantically. I was constantly down on myself and felt like I was unworthy of a decent partner because I could not see my own beauty. At around 22 that the lightbulb finally went off for me, I was seeking relationships that were a direct reflection of my own relationship with myself and my body. Even after losing 30 lbs. I never felt worthy of a solid, healthy relationship because I didn’t even have one with myself. I was shocked and angry that my dating habits at 125 lbs. were not all that different than when I was 155 lbs.

How could I ever expect a man to love and respect me unconditionally if I could not even do that for myself? It was then that I realized I had been seeking the love I thought I was deserving of, which as I look back was a very low bar for any adult male to meet. I was letting romantic partners treat me like trash and manipulate me because I was so focused on the attention they were showing me that I rarely took a step back to evaluate how I was lowering my worth to meet their lukewarm feelings and actions. The truth was that I didn’t think I could “do better”.

Putting in the work to repair my relationship with myself and my body was what finally set me free from the toxic dating habits that had gripped me since my high school boyfriend, dumped me during my 1st semester of freshman year of college. I spent most of my early 20’s believing that I didn’t deserve a partner who cared about me, respected me or who met my social-emotional needs because I didn’t see my own beauty and worth. After confronting my issues with myself and my body I was able to solidify my own self-love and respect which eventually helped me in navigating my needs and worth when it came to my dating life.

I actually met my current boyfriend when I was still in the process of understanding what a healthy relationship looked like and as we very slowly eased into dating, I began to see what love could look like for me. Love free from judgement, filled with respect, support and acceptance of one another. A love that would push me to be my best self and would never ask me to show up as anyone else other than me.

Perks Of Being A Wallflower said it right, we truly do accept the love we think we deserve. I truly believe that until we can at least respect and love ourselves to some degree, we cannot expect anyone else to meet us on that same or even higher level. Now we don’t all have to have Lizzo level of self-love and confidence to find romantic love, but if you have a negative relationship with yourself, I can almost guarantee that that negative mindset affects how you choose your romantic interests. If you are like a young me, jumping from one rotting/toxic romantic fling to another then I highly recommended taking a step back and evaluating how your own perceptions of yourself are contributing to your negative dating behaviors.

Take a note from Lizzo’s ultimate bop “Soulmate”

‘Cause I’m my own soulmate
I know how to love me
I know that I’m always gonna hold me down
Yeah, I’m my own soulmate
No, I’m never lonely
I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown
Look up in the mirror like damn she the one