Twenty Things I Am Leaving Behind In 2020

Twenty Things I Am Leaving Behind In 2020

2020 felt like we lived 3 years in the span of 1 year. It felt like an exhausting marathon of emotions and worries, with hurdles popping up every leg of the race. I am so grateful and humbled by this year that writing this was hard, hard to reflect on a year that felt like you could just not win no matter how hard you tried. A year that spawned growth and reflection but also pain and loss. Looking back I had an incredible year of self growth and a year of leaning into my health and letting go of body/size focused athletic goals but those goals and accomplishments do not stop today. I am so ready for 2021 and all the promises it holds so here is to a clean slate and one hell of a year!

And with that here it is my list of 20 things I am leaving in 2020 and will not miss in no specific order…

  1. Broken tent stakes and broken pride – I will not miss the tent that broke in the middle of a wind storm in Telluride in the dark. If this was not a metaphor for 2020 then I do not know what is!
  2. My white BMW that was completely unsuited for snowy drives and off roading. You went on to a much better life owned by a 16 year old.
  3. A old job that made me feel less than and never good enough. Constantly struggling to find my passion and fire to be met with discouragement and judgement for dreaming too big.
  4. Not admitting when I am wrong or have hurt someone I love – 2020 has really helped me become more aware of how I react in situations and how my reactions affect others
  5. Sodas that are disguised as seltzers at WholeFoods – Another good metaphor for 2020
  6. Spending 30 dollars on Uber every weekend to go out. I have learned to find joy in staying in or walking/scootering to social events when possible!
  7. Uncomfortable jeans, pants or really any clothing. If there is one thing I am never doing again it is wearing uncomfy work clothes or outfits. None of that in 2021, comfy clothes only from now on!
  8. Eating the same 3 meals on repeat – Spending so much time at home has helped me grow my cooking skills and expand my recipe playbook, so for 2021 I will no longer be a recipe repeater!
  9. The fear of changing plans last minute or cancelling a trip
  10. The fear of NOT having plans on the weekend or not being constantly busy
  11. Constantly feeling like my body is a “work in progress” and instead focusing on living in the moment and being thankful for my able body and health.
  12. Always feeling like I need to be two steps ahead or prepared for anything and everything. You cannot predict the future and constantly trying to be ahead of time takes away from enjoying the now.
  13. Not listening to my body and never taking rest days
  14. Forcing myself to do exercises or workouts I don’t like – Running, or boring cardio is a no from me and I have learned that there are other ways to move without compromising my excitement and joy
  15. Compromising my mental and physical health for others and creating strong boundaries
  16. Worrying about small issues or inconveniences that are so small in the larger photo they are no worth my time or energy
  17. Holding on to past grudges or grievances
  18. Not making time to check in on friends. This year has taught me so much about putting in effort to check in on friends and loved ones and has helped me learn how to better support those around me both near and far in distance. Remembering to text an old friend to see how they are has been a blessing of this year I want to continue!
  19. Taking for granted my health, my family, my friends and life in general – If there is anything I learned in 2020 it is that nothing in this life is guaranteed and we need to live each day like it could be our last!
  20. Bad vibes, bad luck and bad attitudes

No more bad vibes here! Let’s go into 2021 full of love, hope and understanding

Grow Through What You Go Through

Grow Through What You Go Through

I firmly believe that every experience in our live serves to teach us a lesson, even if we do not see what the lesson clearly or right away. For me, I can say for certain that the tough times I experienced in the past have shaped me into the woman I am today. With that I know that often we leave things unresolved to come back later and find a big mess that we wished we had tidied up sooner. 

This past weekend I spent a lot of time reflecting on my life, my choices, things I have said and done and most importantly people I have hurt. Now I will preface this by saying that I by no means am here to say that I was some kind of horrible brat/mean girl in college and high school who tore others down leaving a wake of destruction in my past. HOWEVER, I will admit that I certainly contributed to a lot of the drama and negativity that I was wrapped up in prior to growing up and owning my mistakes as an adult. 

I think that we can all look back and find a time in our life when we were not our best selves, I know I can! With everything going on in the world, the uncertainty, the hate, the fear I felt it was time to tie up some things that I have left unresolved from my past and make amends for things I am not proud of. My existential brain spiral was screaming at me that if the world ended tomorrow would I be okay knowing that there are people I owe apologies to or who I have lost touch with and the short answer was no. So I did something bold and scary and ultimately, I feel it has helped me grow. See for us to grow we must experience things, whether those things involve pain, fear, or disappointment or all three! 

Experience and opportunity are the best teachers, so yeah, I texted someone I have not spoken to in 4 years! Yes, it was scary as hell, but ya know what? This person responded back with hope, love, and mutual respect as well as some words of regret for the unravelling of our friendship in the past. See I had walked into this conversation thinking that I did not deserve a response to my 4-year late apology, but this person surprised me in the best way. They showed me that we all have moments, hell even years of our lives where we do not do the right or the best things and damage relationships unnecessarily but that it is okay. 

I have grown up tremendously since my drama filled first two years at college and looking back has been hard for me. I have felt ashamed and upset with the way I treated not only others but also myself and can now see where I went wrong. But really the most important thing I have found is that I needed to be that person 4 years ago, I needed to experience those things because I learned from those mistakes and have grown better because of them. 

I have zero regrets about unpacking my past and my emotional baggage because I know that if I want to move forward and keep thriving, then I need to feel unburdened and mentally well. 

And that is the Thursday tea…

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